I got tagged by and since I never really get tagged to do anything. I'm gonna do this.

THE RULES:
1. Post these rules, 'cause rules are AWESOME...*SHOT*
2. Write 8 random facts about thyself.
3. Post these thangs in your journal.
4. TAG 8 more people into doing the meme.
5. Go to the TAGGEDS' DA pages to let them know they're TAGGED

Nagi-Oki Factoids:
#1. I HATE DISNEY. I genuinely HONESTLY do. Why? Because I feel like they lied to me when I was a child. *Be a good person and everyone will love you.* *Looks aren't important, so long as you're nice, people will accept you for who you are.*
BULL SHIT.

#2. I won't eat onions. I don't like onions AT ALL. If I see onions on my food I either pick them out or I don't eat it. I just HATE onions.

#3. I like bad movies. MST3K-ably BAD. Like the old time black and white B movies. The Seventies stereotype movies. All that tickles me pink.

#4. I'm not physically attracted to real people. I'm more attracted to a character drawn on paper than I am to another human being. Probably because no one's ever shown an interest in me and fantasies are always better than the real thing.

#5. I'm actually a very bitter spiteful woman. If you're really skinny, pretty, and popular, you're automatically a whore in my mind and if you even try to talk to me, I will not respond. If you're lazy, I will treat you like a disease. If you're stupid, I will treat you like an animal.

#6. I'm very good at crafts. I can make bead jewelry, knit scarves, decorate T-shirts, make friendship bracelets, decorate things...Pretty much anything if the interest is there.

#7. I love the ocean. I have to at least visit the shore ONCE a year or I get funny. I love the ocean and the beings that live in it. And I secretly wish I could live in it.

#8. I believe in ghosts, the existence of extra terrestrials, big foot/sasquatch, The Jersey Devil, el chupacabre, sea monsters, sea serpents, werewolves, spirits, fae, etc. etc. etc.

I guess I gotta tag people now...


Clubs:


Home Dawgs:


Peeps I Idolize:


Peeps Who Crack Me Up:


Projects:
Art Trades = Mottenfest
Commissions = Two
Projects = Animation
---Animation - Phase 1 Planning

I live with clinical depression. I have for years now. I'm sure you've all noticed these semi-occasional emotional/mental breakdown journal entries. I write them because I don't talk about my problems...

Why? Because I drive people away.

Everybody here sees me as the crazy, happy-fun time, girl who puts up hysterical comics, macros, and pics. Not a care in the world. Constantly happy and what not?

That's only about 10% to 15% of the time. Most of the time I'm near constantly depressed, constantly worrying about EVERYTHING, blaming myself, tearing myself apart mentally AND physically, and my happiest thoughts are of suicide.

Nobody wants to hear it. I used to talk to my friends about it, but they got sick of it. And I don't blame them. So...I keep it all bottled up until it bursts out and I write another depressing journal entry.

What brought this one on? Realizing that I serve no genuine purpose in existance. It's not fun going through life believing you shouldn't be alive. I know there are people out there with much worse circumstances than my own and such. But then again, no one can feel how empty I do inside. So since we can't feel what each other is feeling. So I guess I'll just suffer in silence and write another depressing log entry when the next wave hits.

Thank you for just letting me get this off my chest. I don't care if you guys respond or not. I just needed to say all this before I did something...I'll take it down later when that 10% to 15% rolls around again...as of right now this is how it feels to be me.

Yea, you've all noticed that my web comic ATA Side A has not been updated. Well to be honest, I'm not really into drawing it right now. I know you all loved it and stuff, but...my heart's not into it. Hell, I haven't even been drawing lately...Well, I have this one pic I'm working on, but it's taking forever to finish...

As long as I'm being truthful, I've gotten back into online role-playing and the ol' trip to Barnes & Nobles to draw isn't cutting it any more. I'm hoping it just has to do with the weather. But I'm trying my best to get out of it...

I also have to learn to stop measuring myself against others. Somewhere along the line, it stopped being about studying techniques and improving myself. It became another way for me to tear my own heart apart.

But as I said, I'm getting better. And I really want to thank you all for your support, the kind words, and the occasional kick in the ass. I'm still going to do Side B. I like it, it's fun to do, and I'm getting good feedback on it so it stays. But also, I've futzed around with Windows Movie Maker and I made my first Macro video! Check it out here:
[link]

I should be back to drawing soon but until then, let's just enjoy the ride.

Clubs:


Home Dawgs:


Peeps I Idolize:


Peeps Who Crack Me Up:


Projects:
Art Trades = Mottenfest
Commissions = Two
Projects = Animation
---Animation - Phase 1 Planning

Ok, as much as I detest whining in journals and all. I'm feeling the need to just vent. So pay this little or no mind, I could care less. I just need to say this before a blood vessel in my brain bursts...

As most artists do, I suffer from critically low self esteem. I'm constantly battling self-doubt, self-loathing, and self-depreciation. But lately I've been wondering if art is my calling.

It takes a lot of effort, both physical and emotional for me to put out the pics and the comics even though I know in the grand scheme of things amounts to nothing. I'm no closer to being an illustrator than I am to being a waffle.

I'm also terribly jealous of anyone I see as better than me. I'm not mean or rude or anything. Just when I see their stuff I start crying and pounding my face into the wall. I know deep down that my style's come a long way but I still feel like a kid with crappy little crayon scribbles who just wants to be noticed for doing something good.

I'll never be on the cutting edge of drawing, coloring, or anything. I'll never be Stan Lee, Fred Perry, Salvador Dali, or Simon Furman. Hell, I'll never be anybody... I guess I just wanted to feel like I was doing something important or special. I've never fit in anyehere most of my life. When I drew people started accepting me, even liking me...

But I'm a terrible person. I'm lazy, poorly motivated, undisciplined, negative, apathetic, and angry most of the time. I'm easily intimidated by things that are difficult. I have big ideas but 90% of them die because of my chronic fear of screwing up, even though I know it's ok to screw up. I don't have a really close circle of art friends that I can meet with to draw and talk with...well, not true. I do get on sketcher with my friends from MTMTE. But I still feel like I'm on the one side of the fence looking in. They're nice, they encourage me, but I always feel like an outsider. I don't know why, maybe it's because that's all I've ever felt.

Sigh...

I'm sorry.

I just really needed to get all this out of my head before I went nuts. As always, I welcome any advice, kind words, even a boot in the ass.

Thanks for just letting me get through all this. I'll be fine. I always find a way back on my feet...

As a thank you, here's a free TF Macro I made:
<img src="http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x90/Nagi-Oki/maketracks055.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket">

Would you rather buy a 6 inch tall painted figure or would you rather get an unpainted one to paint at your leisure.

This is important and will affect what my figurine will look like.

I need EVERYBODY's response to this.

Clubs:


Home Dawgs:


Peeps I Idolize:


Peeps Who Crack Me Up:


Pirette Crew:


Projects:
Art Trades = None ((Open))
Commissions = Three (( 1 of 3 completed ))
Projects = Coloring Book, Con Badges, Buttons
---Coloring Book = Phase 2 (( Pages 1 of 21 Completed ))
---Badges = Phase 4 Complete
---Buttons = Phase 1 Planning